just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
