oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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