You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
