Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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