Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish I could teleport
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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