he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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