I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
