Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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