I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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