New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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