Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
