Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
