It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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