I have demons in me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
