How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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