my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
