Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
