So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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