So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
