my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
