I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
