my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
