your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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