Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
