just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
