I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's never too late to be topless.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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