new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
