It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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