dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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