If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
