i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
