I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
