could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
