Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
