Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
