would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
