Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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