Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
