So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
