Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
