I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
