There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
