i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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