Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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