it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
