I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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