My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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