ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
