we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
