there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
