I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
